Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
