I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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