Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
