the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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