if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
