that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
