im having a threesome with these popsicles
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
