Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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