Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
