Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
