I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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