anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
