I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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