I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
