wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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