how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
