I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
