Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize