Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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