Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize