Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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