dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
