3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
