but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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