I love black thongs
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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