there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
