Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
