okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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