I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
