You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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