so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
