Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
