I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
