The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
