I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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