You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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