i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
