She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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