i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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