The maid of honor just puked.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
