i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
