So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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