Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
