I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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