Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
