i jhust puked up my retainher.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
