i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
