I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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