How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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