So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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