I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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