4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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