just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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