Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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