nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
