I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
