Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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