I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
