you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
