Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
