Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
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Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
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You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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