She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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