I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
