And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
