Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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