I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
