so that wasnt chicken after all
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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