From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
