at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
