he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
