Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
