the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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